This year Id like to
•do more crafts
•make a jar of happy things that happen in 2013
•send my best friends care packages
•get my liscece
•get a job
•pay my mom and dad back for everything
*last one may take more than a year
Everytime I have a negative thought about someone/thing I stop the negative and try to understand why I’m so bothered by whatever it is that’s caused a negative response and replace it with either a positive thought,or a solution for myself to avoid feeling the negativity again. It’s been me helping a lot to stay happy and positive!
The only thing I’m not fond of when staying with my dad (besides his constant mood swings) is that I don’t have all the comforts that I have in my room like my soft leaf lights and dream
Catchers with my small owls with my small
Library of books and my bed. I’m laying down in the dark with my iPod playing one of my various sleeping playlists and I’m wide awake while my brother and dad and peacefully snoring in their sleep and I can’t do anything but lay here in darkness wishing I was back in my room. *le sigh
feel like i can breathe a little bit better now, all my previous insecurities and thing’s that i’ve wanted to say are now out. everyday is a blessing to me now since you’ve been back.
i don’t want to make a really big deal out of this, but i really need to post it somewhere and i’ll try to make this quick and easy.
sometimes when i’m laying awake at night i just wonder why i even bother because after i die my name will be forgotten and my body will just go into the ground and no one will ever remember my existence and kids will probably play over my grave and lovers will have picnics and people will keep on living completely unaware of the fact that i was ever alive, and that i wanted them to live happy lives even though they will end up just like me in the dirt.
as of friday night (december 30) i’m no longer friends with the only childhood friend i have ever had. For once though, i feel completely fine about it. Relieved even.
it gets frustrating when people only call me/ talk to me to tell me their problems its fine but when things become repetitive and no one bothers try and ask me how i’m doing (or ask me just as an opening to tell me more of their problems) after a while i loose intrest in whatever people have to say and just stare at something and literally let them talk it out to themselves and get lost in my head.